Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Sony Xperia Neo V - A simple review

I have been using my Smartphone "Sony Ericsson Xperia Neo V" since about a year and now I would like to write a review on it. This review idea was actually provoked by one of my friend, Karthikeyan S, founder and CEO, JOB SHELLS (http://www.jobshells.com/) as he would like to buy one despite having a BB. :)

I will not be discussing about the features and specifications as I'm not the one to change any of those. This review will be a pure user review, a user who is using the phone for almost a year. I'll be presenting my views in the "as is" basis and it might not resemble any of the other "Sony Ericsson Xperia Neo V". For full features and specifications, please visit http://www.sonymobile.com/global-en/products/phones/xperia-neo-v


Being a Green heart phone, the phone body is entirely made of recycled plastics. The phone has a 3.7 inch scratch-resistant TFT touch screen 16 million colors, 854 x 480 pixels. The neo V uses the Reality display based on the Sony Bravia Mobile Engine which means we have a better, brighter and clear display.
Hardware buttons are found in the bottom end (Home button stands in the center with back and menu keys at the left and right). Just above the screen we can find earpiece, ambient light sensor, the secondary VGA camera and a proximity sensor. On the right side you have the volume controls and two small knobs (the power/lock button and the camera key). We also have a tiny status LED next to the power/lock key whereas we don’t have any of the keys at the left.
At the top portion we find the micro USB and micro HDMI ports on each side of a 3.5mm audio jack. Both the USB and HDMI ports are covered by small plastic lids. We have the 5MP lens placed almost in the middle at the back with LED flash near it. This design is useful as we don’t accidentally place the fingers over the lens when taking pictures or videos.
If we open the back cover of the phone, we can find the battery which covers half the portion of the phone. The memory card can be hot swapped as there is no necessity for the battery to be removed before removing memory card. The SIM can slot is anyways not hot swappable and it requires the battery to be removed before removing the SIM card.
The phone is comfortable to hold on the palm to text or operate with applications.

Operating system and UI

The box piece of the Neo V at the time I bought the phone came with Android 2.3.4 (Gingerbread). Now I have upgraded it to Android 4.0.4 (Ice cream Sandwich). Sony Ericsson blended the Android to work with its Timescape UI which is good looking and pretty decent. Cool stuffs like Screen capture, Facebook integration, Swipe text input, etc., works like a charm.
We can have the five pane home screen and it also does a neat trick called Overview mode. Pinch to zoom out on any of the 5 home screen panes and a new screen opens up with a cool transition. All our widgets gather there and we can click the one we want and go to its screen. We can either go for the automatic options (alphabetical, most used or recently installed) or we can manually shuffle the icons of the apps when applications explored. The lock screen is Xperia fare where we get notifications for Facebook events too. Android ICS has face recognition unlock and I'm using this as the lock screen but this face unlock needs a bit improvement in terms of security and Android is working on the same on the future release Android 4.1 Jelly Bean. Also we have pattern unlock and password unlock which gives us more security for the phone from bad hands.

About the phone system

The phone book that missed quick dials when on Android Gingerbread (instead it has a search field alone), now has the quick dial options which is really useful if you have a large number of contacts. Each contact is presented in side-swipable interface that holds contact info, recent calls and more info from social networking services like Facebook. We have a handful of options to sync the contacts with our accounts, including Exchange and Facebook, and you can selectively show or hide contacts from some accounts, or set the phonebook to display only contacts with phone numbers or even to display only the contacts that are saved in SIM card. The phonebook, call log and dialer are all part of the same application.

The phone comes with the proximity sensor, where it automatically disables the touch screen when you hold it next to your ear during a call. The phone conversations (audio) with the Neo V was good enough when it operated on Gingerbread but the audio during the call decreased to 70 ~ 80% after upgrade to ICS. I have tested the audio even at a silent environment where it lacks better audibility.

Messaging is threaded which looks like an IM chat where the recent message comes in the bottom. We can add photos, videos, pictures to the messages which automatically convert into MMS. Gmail app is integrated for the mailing which is good as it can hold multiple accounts. POP and IMAP both are supported by Gmail. We have Google Talk for Instant Messaging. Key board is very comfortable, keys are large enough and well spaced even in the horizontal position and when rotated to landscape mode we get a more spacious keyboard. I felt a little bit trouble placing the cursor at the exact position where I need it to be while correcting mistakes in the vertical position but that can be over come by flipping the phone to horizontal position. The one which impressed me was the swipe to input mode which can be activated in settings where the user don’t have to tap the keys instead can just swipe across to input texts. It comes with T9 prediction and also includes spaces automatically in between the words which make typing easier.

Music and Videos

Gallery app which contains all the music files and video files is pretty good with functionality, cool 3D looks and nice transition effects. Gallery will also contain Facebook albums which we can distinguish with the Facebook symbol and we can "like" them with the thumbs up button in the upper right corner when viewing them individually. ICS contains Xperia Gallery in addition to the Gallery app to resemble Sony take over of the Ericsson.
While viewing images, we can use the pinch zoom to zoom in/out which makes viewing easier rather using the +/- button. Bravia engine really works well when it is on with full brightness where your videos and photos look more vivid and clear and hence it enhances the quality.
We have a pathetic video codec that it can't even play 1080p MP4 videos but played 720P MP4 videos and the other formats such as DivX, Xvid, Mkv, etc., files are not able to be played on the device. No worries, we have a lot of video apps in the Google play which uses Hardware and software decoding techniques which lets us play any kind of video we through on the app. I'm using BS player Free and you can too use the app as it gives good output.
While coming to music, we have xLoud technology to enhance the sound. The differences can be well distinguished when enable/disable the xLoud option in settings. The Now Playing screen offers nothing but the standard music controls, shortcuts to the library and the Infinite key. The Infinite key is very useful to look up a song on YouTube or browse for the lyrics. I used to click on it very often to get the lyrics of the song playing to sing along. Like images, we can also "like" music with the thumbs up button which we are listening to. FM Radio is quite good with auto search and save according to the region we are in. We can use the track id app to get information on what we are currently listening to when on Radio or recording to an external music.


A 5 megapixel camera with LED flash. We have short cuts to the settings in the left and thumb nails of recent photos are shown in the right side of the view finder. The short cuts can be rearranged or replaced by the settings you would require often. For taking still photos, we have many settings to get the clearer image such as Focus mode,  exposure value, white metering, image stabilizer, etc., which can give you best of the 5MP camera. The photos whiles taken at low light are not as clear as they were clear in the phone screen but when seen on bigger screens, the images looks a bit blurred and filled with grains. Mind, this is not a SLR camera and the camera does perfect what one expects from a phone camera.
The 3D camera is good to produce 3D images but can only be seen 3D with compatible 3D TV's or 3D screens.
The panorama view is really good if we have a large crowd to shoot or a beautiful view of a beach for example. The pictures are with good color and contrasts except when the climate is worse with clouds and low lights.
The presence of front camera makes us take self shots easier but the problem being the front camera is just a VGA one, the photos not being so good.

The video camera option on the right side from the view finder is just a slide down button which flips the still camera mode to video camera mode but this option is present only after the upgrade to ICS else we have to choose from the settings. The LED back light is useful when recording videos at low light. The settings are pretty same as with the still camera settings and are easy to use. The continuous auto focus mode is good and it can also be clearly seen when we record videos which will be recorded in 720p, 30fps (HD) and MP4 format. This can also be adjusted to reduce the quality according to our needs such as if the video is to be attached with MMS as a clip. In short, camera is really good for a 5MP group.

Connectivity and others

I would say the connectivity is covered from all the aspects from quad-band GSM/GPRS/EDGE and tri-band HSPA with download rates of up to 7.2 Mbps and upload at 5.76 Mbps. When testing the 3G connectivity in India with Vodafone network, it worked amazing with buffering free YouTube videos and loading Google maps in seconds. We have Wi-Fi (b/g/n) and Bluetooth 2.1 for wireless connectivity and DLNA is used to view the contents in DLNA certified gadgets like TV's and Play station but I have not tested yet. The LiveWare manager app lets you assign specific apps to be launched when a given accessory is connected in the Gingerbread version of the OS which was replaced by Smart Connect app in the ICS version of the OS. A 3.5 mm jack audio output is excellent and the HDMI output which gives the ultimate viewing of the contents of the phone. I have tested the micro USB HDMI port to output the contents to my TOSHIBA 24PS10 LED TV to play NFS shift which I felt amazing.

Web browser is excellent and I prefer to use Opera browser till I upgraded the phone to ICS as Gingerbread doesn't have Chrome browser as the default browser. Flash 11 is supported to view flash contents and play flash games.

Organizers such as alarms, calculator, calendar, etc., looks really good with the UI and everything are ease of use. The calendar can be synced with all the accounts such as Facebook, exchange server and Gmail accounts. For document viewing the phone contains OfficeSuite app and we can download other apps from Google market (Gingerbread) or Google Play (ICS) for free or as a paid app. Google Play consists millions of apps for the phone and we can choose automatic update of apps if we have a unlimited data connection or restrict the update to manual if we have a limited data connection which makes our life trouble free.

Performance and Battery life

A 1GHz processor seems really good for a Smartphone but this when in combination with 512mb RAM gives a bit of lagging performance especially when multitasking with apps that may require more space like Facebook and Instagram. This also impacts the gaming experience when done in parallel with sending texts, etc., I can see a lag when switching between apps and when I receive calls when working on any app. This problem was quite high when the phone is operating on Gingerbread and decreased once updated to ICS. We can still expect performance boost in the future updates.
Battery (1500 mAh) mainly drains because of the screen size. It's 3.7" and utilizes most of the battery. So reducing the brightness of the screen is very useful in increasing the phone battery life. As per the specification the phone may give 7 hrs of talk time. In reality we can use it for more than a day if used professionally and up to a day if used for browsing/gaming every 2 ~ 3 hrs in half hour sessions like I do. The battery stand very good for listening music, I would say it stands for more than 10 hrs if played continuously when the phone is on and around 15 hrs when on flight mode.

Finally, The Sony Ericsson Xperia Neo V is a 1GHz-powered Smartphone with a 3.7" screen, 5MP still camera and HD video. Plenty of competitions for this rnage of smartphones with companies like Samsung, Motorola and Nokia. I'm satisfied with the phone till date and would recommend one if you gotta go for it.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Engum nee! Ethilum nee!! / எங்கும் நீ! எதிலும் நீ!!

கனவில் ஒரு கண்ணாடி..
விழுந்தது உன் முன்னாடி..
நூறு முகம் அம்மாடி..
அழகு ஒரு தேவதை!

தனிமையில் நான் இருக்கையிலே..
உன் நினைவு என்னை இடிக்கையிலே..
எனை மறந்து சிரிக்கையிலே..
நொடிகள் அது மந்திரம்!

நூறு யுகம் உன்னோடு..
வாழ்ந்து விட்டேன் நெஞ்சோடு..
உலகம் உன்தன் விழியோடு..
நாட்கள் அது ஓவியம்!

உன் அன்பு எனக்கெனதாய்..
என் நாட்கள் உனக்கெனதாய்..
நம் காதல் நமக்கெனதாய்..
காலம் அது கவிதை!

உயிர் உருகி நின்றோம்..
நமை பிரிய மறந்தோம்..
வியிலும் கலந்தோம்..
காதல் அது தெய்வீகம்!

மரணத்தின் ஒலியே..
விதி செய்த சதியே..
எனை பிரிந்தாய் ரதியே..
நினைவு அது போராட்டம்!

கனவுகள் தந்தாய் மந்திரம் செய்தாய்..
ஓவியம் வரைந்து கவிதைகள் சொன்னாய்..
வலியுடன் வாழ கற்றும் தந்தாய்..
நம் வாழ்க்கை அது காவியம்!

                                                                      எங்கும் நீ! எதிலும் நீ!!
                                                                      அன்புடன் என்றும் உனக்கென நான்!!
                                                                                        - Love you Kutti...

Friday, January 27, 2012

The Last Cry!! - Part 2.

For the first part, please click

"Father, I want to die soon", Vasanth looked at the floor as he lacks courage to face the Father.
"That's why I asked you to relax for sometime. Come on my son. Stay relaxed for sometime. I'll be back in sometime. Don't go anywhere, I'll be back right away", Father intentionally moved from the place as he wants Vasanth to relax for sometime without any disturbance.

Minutes rolled..
Vasanth seemed to be relaxed after sometime.
"So how are you, my son?", Father asked Vasanth as he is nearing Vasanth and in return there is no response from Vasanth.
"Hmmm, What's wrong, son?", Father sat near Vasanth in the sofa "What made you think to die soon?".
"Father, please don't ask me anything. I couldn't explain things as I was hurt too much", Vasanth shows his height of frustration.
"But my son, we can solve problems only we know what actually the problem is. Please feel free to share your thoughts as I'm trying to help you", Father hold Vasanth's hand.
"Father.. Father...", Vasanth exploded with tears and laid on Father Victor's shoulder.
"It's ok my son. Relax.. Calm down.. Relax..", Father pat on Vasanth's back which made Vasanth feel better.
"Now tell me son. What's your problem?", Father showed a sign of love through his words.
"I'm a total loser in life, Father. I don't have good loving parents as the others have. They hate me as I was an added burden to them from my childhood. My friends, they always need me only at the time they are in some need. My love, despite I loved her a lot, left me for no reason as I do not have work and I couldn't look after myself. My surroundings, they always make fun of me as I'm useless. I sometimes feel to myself that I'm worth for nothing. I try to cry a lot to someone who can understand my pain but I couldn't find one trustworthy as I couldn't differentiate between the good and the bad. I fear a lot now a day about my life".
"Hmmm..", The Father sighed "It's ok. So this is the problem which took you to a decision of death, isn't it?", Father asked.
"Yesterday, I had a mail from the company where I was offered a job. They declined the offer which they made to me as their company is under recession and this is one of the steps they made to overcome it. I struggled for more then 2 to 3 years to get an offer. I travelled each and every corner of the city by walk to attend interviews. I did courses to make myself updated in my field. I thought this job would prove the world I'm not useless. I believed I can get back all that I have lost in my life, my parents, my friends, my love and everything. But....", Vasanth blushed with tears "I pleaded the company by call and also went to the HR officials but nothing helped me. I've lost everything in my life Father. Please request God to take my life soon...", he cried out loud.
"Come on my son, don't worry. Relax.. relax..", Father pat on Vasanth's back as he just lean on Father's shoulder.

Silence prevailed for several minutes before Vasanth stood up.
"Father I'm going to leave now", Vasanth started.
"Son, I need to tell you something before you make your next decision", Father interrupted Vasanth "Do you have a few minutes for my words?"
"Yes, Father", Vasanth nodded his head.
"The problem you have is nobody but you alone. You fear yourself by thinking about the future and your surroundings and nothing about you and your happiness. Fear makes things worse than ever. You keep on thinking about death which makes you not to concentrate in any other good deeds. Have you ever thought about the times you were happy before? If yes, then you might surely not thought about death at those times. Well may I ask you some questions?", Father waited for Vasanth's reply.
"Yes, Father"
"Do you like the girl Suji?"
"Yes, Father a cute little girl. Who would not like her?!"
"Will you accept if she is going to die in some days?"
"Father, why would you talk like this? She is a very small girl and she is very happy with her parents and please Father don't ask anything more"
"My son, to tell you the truth, Suji is affected with brain tumor and she is counting her days. That small child doesn't know this and even her parents do not know about this. I was the one who took her to doctor when she fainted once and doctor asked just to trust God as her condition is critical. Doctor and I decided not to tell her parents and we bluffed something to them", Father said in a lowered voice while Vasanth thought about the incident when Suji said him about the toffee which sours given by doctor uncle.
"Father, why did you do this? You should have said about this to Suji's parents." Vasanth mumbled "Oh God, why do you do this to a small girl."
"Look my son, as I said Fear is the biggest enemy for happiness. Now Suji's parents don't know about her condition and so they do not fear thinking about her. Even the little girl has no feelings in her other than happiness. She never thinks about her future or her surroundings as she is still a small girl and do not know about the world, the hatred feeling people have on each other, etc,. Her parents feel happy all the time looking at Suji. Do you want me to spoil their happiness? More over if they come to know that their daughter is going to die soon, they will never be happy again and even their behavior with Suji will change as a result of fear of death. Suji will be affected as well", Father explained as Vasanth sat down on floor crying.
"Why should God do this to that little girl Father? He should have chosen me instead", Vasanth cried louder.
"Son, each and every happening in this world has its own reason and you should understand death is not the way to bring an end to problems. Life is given by God and each individual have their own destiny to be reached after which God by himself calls us to him. Now you are crying for a small girl who you oddly know for weeks. I'm nobody to you and you shared your thoughts, your feelings to me. These are small things that you should observe in life. These little things bring you life within yourself. Eliminate fear within yourself. Live your life for yourself and live your present minute with all the happiness as we don't own the next minute", Father looked into the eyes of Vasanth.

Father's words gave some sort of relief and fresh thoughts within Vasanth. Vasanth is now out of the sad feeling about his life and now he is disturbed with Suji's condition. He sat down on the floor for almost hour thinking about the various happenings in his life from childhood. He thought about the people he met, the lessons he learnt from them. Some people stayed in his heart and some were just passing clouds. He is really confused about the life he had with happiness which turns into dark and the way he thought that his life turned dark which was actually a good one compared to others.

"Father, I'm sorry for what I did. I'm leaving now. Bless me", Vasanth bowed down before the Father.
"May God forgive your sins and fulfill with joy", Father smiled and pat on Vasanth’s arms, "My son, have a good future".
Vasanth had no words to say in that condition and steps forward towards the door.
"Son, please wait a minute", Father started "Not all fingers in a hand are same. Likewise not all the parents are lovable as Suji's or others you know. There are different situations for each individual. People have different situations like fun, enjoyment, commitment, tragedy, worse time, etc., and you don't know in what category the others come in. More over you don't know the love and trust they have on each other. It is not mandatory they show it to you too. Love is everywhere. People don't realize it. Love people for their originality and not for their outside behaviors. It’s always better to be loyal to who trust you rather acting all over and gaining a fake good image. You will gain many people if you show love and shower smiles on them with a pure soul. Simply to say, Love people for their good side and least bother about their mistakes in life. They are the sole responsible for their life and it’s not the others business to deal with. Problem solved.. Understand life. It’s easy.", a big sign of love and confidence showered from the Father.
Vasanth in reply smiled at the Father and left the church.

Vasanth was not able to come out of the fact that a small kid is affected with a deadly disease. He was thinking of that the whole night and also about the words from the Father “every happening in this world has its own reason” and consoled himself. It was hard for him to come out of it for a few days but the faith given by the Father made him overcome his negative thoughts. He started practicing to see things in a positive approach whatever it is. His heart filled with happiness in due course. He was able to handle things with smile. His hard work continued but with a positive energy.

Weeks rolled..
"Father, how are you?", Vasanth in a navy blue suit and with a big smile in his face for the first ever time in his life.
"Welcome my son. It gives me pleasure to see you with such a happy smile. Hope everything is fine with you now", Father called Vasanth inside the church.
"I'm a new man now and I want to thank you for everything you have shown me to know what life is! I'm now working in a software company and also I became a member of a charity trust who helps people to overcome their mental weakness. I'm really happy now Father. I can see love from my parents, friends and everyone around me. You have changed my attitude. It seems the whole world is in love with me!", Vasanth's face looked very bright.
"Well, my son. Glad to hear you speak with cheers. Thank God and not me. I'm just his ambassador to let people understand their life", Father smiled.
"Thank you once again Father. Bless me. It's time to go play with Suji"
"God bless you my son. Always remember everything happens for a reason. Live you life, never regret for its consequences. Enjoy, love and serve people till God calls you to heaven. Have a blessed day", Father blessed Vasanth.
Vasanth left the church to see Suji and play with her. He is very happy and after all he is now living his life.

To my readers - Life has many things to be enjoyed. Cry today for everything you lost and let it be your last cry. Everything happens for a reason. Live your life and never regret for the consequences. Life is to be lived but with smile, always :-)

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Last Cry!!

It’s a fine early morning of a winter season where the grass lands are covered by dew. A sight full spread of white color as all the trees, bushes, roads, roof of the houses were covered by the dew and is yet to be vanished by the sun light to come in short time.
There in the far place is a church, an old ancient church with its own history, around a miles' distance from where he is standing.
Yes, he is Vasanth, an engineer recently placed in an MNC. He looked nervous, face seems to be filled with sorrows hesitating to step forward as something is stopping him.

"Well, let me go have a visit", Vasanth thought to himself and stepped forward on the leaves which were fallen from the trees, dispersed all around towards the church.
"Should I really do this?", Vasanth hesitated again at the entrance holding the gate of the church.
"Son, who are you? How may I help you? Come in", Father Victor called Vasanth from the church standing near the door.

Vasanth and Father Victor moved inside the church after a few minutes of Vasanth's hesitation.
"Son, you seem to be very cold and shivering. What are you doing at this time? Would you like to have a cup of coffee?", Father asked Vasanth as he is staring at the statue of Jesus Christ. There prevailed silence from Vasanth as he didn't notice to what Father offered or asked.
"Son, what are you looking at?", Father touched Vasanth's hand, "Would you like to have a cup of coffee? You might feel better".
"No, Father. I'm good", Vasanth rejected the offer.
"Ok, what are you doing here at this time, son. How may I help you?", Father asked Vasanth.
"My name is Vasanth.", after a few minutes of silence "I have some problem. I have never been to a church before as I'm not a Christian. I have heard that in Christianity, one who confesses before the lord can have a peaceful rest of soul after death. Is that true, Father?".
"Yes, Dear Son. Why do you think of death in this young age? What is your problem?", Father pat on the back of Vasanth.
"I don't want to discuss with anybody regarding my problem but with God. Would you please help me?", Vasanth looked curiously at the Father.
"Ok dear son. Come and confess yourself. Let all your problems disappear like the dew after sun shine", Father walked to the confessional.

Vasanth followed the Father with a huge dilemma. While he goes behind the Father, he looks out through an open window where a little girl is standing alone at a distance wearing a white cute fairy style dress and holding a doll in her arm. The girl is looking at something with a puzzled look. Vasanth in spite of going to the confessional, neared to the girl as he too is in the same puzzled state. Vasanth started looking at the direction towards where the girl was staring at but he couldn't find a thing.

"Hey, what are you looking at? What is your name?", Vasanth asked the little girl.
"Oh, I was looking at the insect there sitting on the leaf. How is that insect so colorful?", the little girl replied amazed.
"That's called a butterfly and all butterflies will be very attractive and colorful. You didn't answer your name sweety, what's it?", Vasanth knelt on the ground before the little girl and smiled.
"My name is Suji, Kuttt...ti suji", she smiled as her action with her fingers resembled small. "What is your name?", Suji pointed her cute little forefinger towards Vasanth.
Before Vasanth could answer his name Suji ran away as someone from her home called her.
Vasanth then returned to the church and went near the confessional.
"Father, I feel somewhat uncomfortable. Shall I take a leave now?", Vasanth asked the Father.
"Son, it's your wish to leave and you can come here anytime", Father smiled at Vasanth.
Vasanth smiled at the Father and started to leave.

"Son, please wait", Father called Vasanth as he is about to leave the church.
"Yes, Father", Vasanth replied as the Father is nearing Vasanth.
"Son, I saw a little bit of happiness in your face and your eyes at the time you were talking to that little girl. Try to be happy all the time", Father pat on Vasanth's arm.
Vasanth just smiled and nodded his head and left from there.

Vasanth was roaming around the same area where the little girl's house is located and he found the girl playing alone in the lawn outside her house.
"Suji", Vasanth smiled at the little girl.
"Hai... Come let me show you something", Suji dragged Vasanth by catching his hand.
Suji pointed her finger with excitation to a flower grown on a pot.
"Honey, what's that?", Vasanth asked Suji with a big smile.
"I grow that flower for 2 years. I give water, food and wish good morning everyday. Now it has grown very colorfully", Suji replied to Vasanth with her innocence.
"Wow, you are a very good girl and flower is also very beautiful like you", Vasanth's heart filled with joy and happiness as he was talking to Suji.
They both were playing in the lawn and Vasanth turned again to his childhood at the time he was with Suji.
"Oh... Mummy will scold me if I be here for long time. I have to take a toffee which sours a lot. Doctor Uncle gave me that, uwak..., bye bye", Suji ran away as she says, before Vasanth could ask anything.

Vasanth came the next day to the same place to see Suji and to play with her and it continued for a weeks time. Then suddenly he didn't turn out be there for two days.

"Father, I need to talk to you", Vasanth looked so nervous when entering the church.
"Come, my son. Come in, have your seat. Calm down and relax for sometime", Father turned towards Jesus Christ's statue and murmured something.
"Father, I want to die soon", Vasanth looked at the floor as he lacks courage to face the Father.

What was behind Vasanth? Why does he want to die? Why is he so nervous and disturbed all the time?

For the next part, please click the link below